Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t. I mentioned in an earlier Blog that sometimes I feel like I have an increased amount of faith when believing God to do big things for others. And specifically in the area of healing. Man, I get fired up when I hear that someone is sick with cancer or some disease… especially when it’s family too! It gets me so mad at the devil! But, my problem… or should I say, lack of faith, comes when it’s me that’s sick.
Why do I struggle with believing for God to heal ME? I have so much faith to believe God for other things in my life, so why do I struggle with this? My body is definitely being attacked right now, and I have really been struggling with feeling discouraged. I’ve had back problems for the last 8 years – major pain and discomfort at times. For the last year I have had hip pain, to the point of limping! I have weird quirky things that happen all the time, which probably happen to everyone, but I always feel like I’m the one falling apart. I don’t know that I would consider myself a hypochondriac, but now I’m wondering if maybe I am! I’m 29 years old and I feel like I’m stuck in an 80 year olds body. My husband calls me his “little, fragile, china doll.”
This is what has happened now – on Saturday morning I woke up with a bad pain in my neck, which I quickly attributed to having slept in an awkward position. But, as soon as I rolled over to the other side, I had this throbbing pain in my neck – which led up to the front of my head – and it hurt so bad. I could literally feel the line from the back of my neck to the top of the left side of my head. It was weird. All day I had headaches off and on, but I just kept thinking I slept on my neck weird. Well, it’s day 6, and still, the headaches and neck ache continue. It’s not a typical sore, neck-muscle, it’s like a throbbing, hot, continuous pain. If I’ve been sitting down for awhile and then stand up, I get a horrible, throbbing pain on the left side of my head and part of me feels like I might pass out.
So – this is where I struggle, friends, and I ask for your prayers. First of all, I want to have the faith to believe God for a healing for myself. As my sweet friend, Lavender Lily said yesterday at lunch, I need to take authority over my body. (Thanks, friend!) And I need wisdom on whether or not I should go to the doctor. I feel like I’m always there, which I’m not always there for big stuff, but I’ve just always had good insurance and thought, “Might as well go”, even for small stuff. Well, now I worry that something might actually be wrong – I’m scared to go, and I think that others will think I’m overreacting if I’m at the doctor... again! And, I keep thinking that if I go, then my symptoms will stop anyways, and then I will have gone for nothing. Or, I will find out there’s nothing wrong and then I will just feel stupid.
So, please pray, my friends. I want to believe that God can, and wants, to heal me too!!!
Acts 3:16 "By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was
made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has
given this complete healing to him, as you can all see."
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