His Loving Kindness

Have you ever held off on doing something you knew you really needed to do? I don't just mean things like laundry or cleaning. But, something deeper - more important. For example, picking up the 200 lb phone and making that long-dreaded call to have a heart-to-heart with someone you love, but don't really want to talk to about a certain, particular subject? (just for example!) :)

About a month ago, I ran across this verse: (BTW - yes, I have really been holding off on making that phone call for over a month!)

"...it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." James 4:17

Ouch. That verse obviously gave me deep conviction about this certain thing that I was holding off on doing. However, it also did something else. It almost brought me to a place of being scared of God. To a place of thinking that because I wasn't obeying in this one area, then He was completely shutting me off in every other area; A fear that He wasn't going to hear my prayers (so why pray?); A fear that my devotion time would be void of hearing God's voice and receiving His direction for my life (so why bother getting up early and doing it?); A belief that I might as well not believe God for a healing, because He is still holding this other thing against me; The lie that there was no reason to necessarily get into the Word, because bottom line, I wasn't being "perfect" in this other area, so what was the use - God wasn't going to bless me or reveal His will for me anyway.

A few things have changed over the last week, and slowly, God has been pouring His love over me! Through many avenues (song, radio, sermons, the Bible), God is screaming out to me...

"Shanen: I will not let go of you that easily. You are mine and I love you!"

I've decided that being scared of God, is not what will lead us to repentance. Thinking that He is mad at us for not "performing" is a lie from satan. Now, don't get me wrong - I know there are definitely things, or a build-up of sins, that can separate us from intimacy with Christ. It is true, that at times of disobedience, God may choose to withhold His blessings, but it's not because He has turned from us - it's because we have turned from Him. However, even in that, God doesn't leave us so easily. We are His. He is a devoted father, and will fight hell for His children.

As the David Crowder song goes, "Oh How He Loves Us." It's this gentle reminder that leads me to repent... not the idea that God is mad at me or that He will turn His back on me if I don't "obey".

As the other song goes, "It's Your kindness, Lord, that leads us to repentance..."